Special Edition
Six years into our marriage my wife announced she wanted out. It was like a thunderbolt out of the sky. I was numb with disbelief. I couldn’t believe it. Somehow it almost didn’t register as a reality. I remember that day as if it was today and I didn’t see it coming. The shock was I thought everything was o.k. and going well. Divorce never entered my mind and there had never been one in my family history. This is what happens to other people, not us.
I was totally blind about where I was in life. Our life together as husband and wife appeared to be doing well to me; we had four children, a prospering business and very active lives. Our days were full. We participated in organizations, socialized and attended church every week.
I began to experience a range and depth of emotions that I had never known. The emotions possessed me, tossing me to and fro. First, I tried not to think about it, “Tomorrow things will get better,” I would tell myself. They didn’t. Anger began to rise up in me, but that only made matters worse. Then I tried pleading, but nothing. As each day passed it only got worse. I dreaded coming home at night. Sleep seemed to be the only time that my heart was quieted. Every day melted into another and I was plunging deeper and deeper into the reality that I had lost control of everything in life. The stress was beginning to affect my family and our business.
Several weeks passed and I began to harden in my heart. I blocked out all emotions and began to think out what I believed was the inevitable. And then I began to plan. The anger in me now turned to plotting. The ugly hardness in me turned to seeking revenge for her choice. A sense of self-righteousness took over. I wanted power over the situation in order to control the results. I decided to get a high-powered lawyer. My first concern was she owned part of the business and I didn’t want her to get any of it. And, then I took it a step further, she wasn’t going to get the kids either. My wife was much younger than me and I believed her motives were wrong which, in my mind, justified me to go after custody of the children. I didn’t want her to have a thing when I got done with her. I called the lawyer.
My visit to the lawyer was very clinical. I had reached a place where I was disconnected from any sense of feelings and life. He talked about counseling. I said no. He talked about taking time in a separation. I said no. I wanted this finished now.
Surprisingly, my wife had agreed to sign off on everything. The lawyer prepared the necessary documents and I picked them up immediately. On the way home from the lawyer’s office I passed by our church. At the end of the street there was a stop sign. As I sat at the stop sign I froze. I always thought of myself as a religious person. After all, I attended catechism classes from an early age and went to Christian schools from the 6th grade to high school graduation. I even taught catechism classes while in high school. As an adult, we went to church every week and observed all the special seasons. I was very active in church life. Yet, in all these weeks, since my wife shocked me with her declaration, I had never once thought about God. I never once prayed. I turned the car around and drove back to the church. It was open and I went in. It was quiet, no one around. I went up front and knelt down.
I was raised in New England where I had a very strict upbringing with very well defined social rules. I had to wear a suit and tie to school. I was never allowed to chew gum. I was taught to stand when an adult entered the room, even my parents, and didn’t speak unless spoken to. I was trained to keep everything close to the vest, and that, “men don’t cry.” I was raised to be totally self-sufficient. Through this entire event it never dawned on me that maybe my own hard-heartedness was the problem in the first place. When I knelt down in that church it was the first time in my life I ever admitted I need help. Suddenly, there alone in front of God, all my formal upbringing seemed useless. All the written repetitive prayers that I had so perfectly memorized escaped me. I started to pray with desperation and actually said for the first time in my life, “I don’t know what to do Lord.” I asked God to do something, to help me get my wife back. I made a deal with Him. I told God I would put the legal paperwork in the back of my desk drawer and not do anything for two weeks. If He wanted to do something He had two weeks until the court date. I pulled myself together and as I was driving away from the church I began to feel different. Not something dramatically different, just something inside me had somehow changed.
The two weeks was nearing an end. The court hearing date was upon us. The time had come. I was sitting in my office the morning of the court date watching the minutes pass. I was still determined to go ahead with the divorce, and my revenge, but my heart was just not into it as much somehow. Finally, I took the paperwork out of the drawer and began walking to the court house. The court house was only two blocks from my office, but it felt like 100 miles. My thoughts were blank. As I approached the court house entrance, I looked up and saw my wife on the steps – with no lawyer. Why didn’t she have a lawyer to defend herself? Little did I know that my wonderful wife had been praying all along and had put her trust in God. Before we went in we began to talk. Our conversation was somehow different this time. We were talking with each other. Something had happened, it was different.
We never made it to the court hearing. That morning our marriage was healed right there on those courthouse steps. We had a new beginning.
God had answered prayer. It didn’t happen with a great thunder-clap or the parting of an ocean. It was just a tiny change he made in my own heart, an almost unnoticeable softening of a soul that had become cold and hard. As much as I thought I knew about God, it brought me to a place of seeing God in a new way. I met a God I didn’t know. Yet, He knew me, and in His kindness He had mercy on my wife and me. Where once I only saw a distant icon-god governing the universe, I now knew a personal God, someone I could talk freely to and someone who answered me. There was no earthly reasoning that could explain how such a bitter period of time ended so quickly and mercifully. It really was just God; a miracle of His tenderness.
I cannot imagine how I could have lived this life without my wife. I shudder to think what would have become of me if God had not intervened for us on those courthouse steps. Through the years she has kept my heart faithfully and kept her face in front of God’s throne daily. At this writing it will be our 44th Wedding Anniversary. We now have six children, 13 grandchildren and one great grandchild. Through the years we have enjoyed a wonderful marriage, though filled at times with many challenges and tribulations, we end each day now with happiness and joy.
My testimony to you is that no matter how hopeless you see your situation, this God that I know can help. He can soften even the hardest of hearts. He can penetrate even the darkest of nights. Give Him a chance.
If you find yourself in need of God’s help, and in need of a friend, don’t hesitate to contact me. It would be my honor to share what He has given me.
My e-mail address is steve@gracechurchlife.com